“I don’t have time for that.“ A statement I keep hearing a lot lately. But what exactly does it mean? To have time. Is it actually possible that time is in our possession? Or does time possess us? After all, we all get the same 24 hours per day.
Mastering prioritization might change your life
Awhile ago I started a self-experiment. Instead of saying “I don’t have time for X.“, I started saying to myself and other people ”X is not a priority for me right now.“ This often took people and especially me by surprise. Saying “Going out to party is not a priority of mine.“, sounds more definite than saying “I don’t have time to party right now.” But it also sounds more truthful. It forced me to get my priorities straight, be honest with myself and the people around me. To realize what is most important for me in my life right now.
These days most of us are afraid of commitment, although we live in a time of endless opportunities. Thanks to the rapid technological development, the generations before ours have never had such an amount of freedom and access to information as we have it now. There is so much to see, so much to hear, so much to do. And although I consider this mainly a good thing, it puts most of us into a state of paralysis. We are afraid to make decisions, because of the fear of missing out. And if we eventually make a decision, we busy ourselves with wondering if it was right and what could’ve been if we just did that other thing instead. We want to leave every door open, generating around us an environment of eventualities and unused potential. It’s like that fig tree situation in Sylvia Plath’s “The Bell Jar”.
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
As far as I see it, there are three main priorities in every person’s life:
- Relationships (i.e. with friends, family and maybe a significant other),
- Health (food, sleep, sport, leisure) and
- Work/Money
Depending on what stage of life you are living in, you will probably always shift in one direction. Right now, money might be your top priority, but as you were younger, friends were everything to you. And once you get older and feel the effects of time on your body, you might prioritize your health. The key is to understand that all of these things are intertwined and they have a mutual existence. You simply have to balance these priorities in a proper way and not lean too far towards one direction, resulting in the neglecting of the other two priorities.
Let’s be honest for a second. The truth is, nobody has time. We take time. You don’t want to be that person complaining about not having time when they actually don’t get anything done at the end of their day. Be the person that realizes what isn’t working in their life, analyzes their priorities and shifts them accordingly. Do not waste your time running around without orientation. Don’t assume everything will take care of itself. Be brave enough to prioritize and commit to putting everything you got into these priorities. Be productive. And I don’t mean this only in regards to work. Be productive in your relationships. Be productive with your health. Lead a lifestyle of high quality. When you sleep, get the best damn night of sleep you ever had. When you finish your workday, make sure you leave the office with a feeling of accomplishment. And when you visit your parents, make sure you leave their house with a satisfied feeling, knowing there was nothing left unsaid that needed to be said.
Now for the bad news, the reason why most people are afraid to take responsibility for their life. Prioritizing means putting off some things. Maybe for now. Maybe for forever. It means letting go of things — of actual habits, eventualities or just fantasies you had in your head, of what you or things could have been. And there is no solution to that. That’s life. That’s what life is about: making sacrifices.
And now for the good news. By making sacrifices, you make things count, taking responsibility and give meaning to your life. Prioritizing makes you appreciate the things you have more. It gives you the opportunity to look back at the end of your day and realize that you got a lot of shit done today and not wondering where the time went after you awake from the unconscious state you were in the whole day. Take the time to sit down and think about what an ideal day would look like for you. And then make a schedule out of it. And yes, this can include watching Netflix or playing video games (no judgment here). But realize that too much of these things will result in some sort of meaningless, unnecessary suffering.
When I think about these things I always have to think about Lao Tzu’s quote “Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.“ So be aware of the things you do, when you do them. Get your priorities straight, master your own time instead of being a slave to it, and be honest with yourself. Make a commitment, take responsibility and remind yourself why it was that you shifted your priorities by saying “X is not a priority for me right now.“, instead of “I don’t have time for X.“ and you’ll be surprised by the great places this will take you.
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